OFFICE ROMANCE|| WHEN A COWORKER HITS ON YOU

You know that moment when you arrive at your new office and almost all the single men want to fill you in on the dos and don'ts of the organization, 'the power players' in the office, the so called 'bad boys'(women hunters) who get weirdly excited at the glimpse of anything in skirt.



Especially when you are a 'fine girl'(beautiful to behold). Even those male married colleagues pretentiously rally around with the influx of so many task sent to your desk just to make sure that they grab your attention.

Dear ladies beware. It's a facade. It's often times a sign that they are hitting on you or that they may soon hit on you. When the pleasantries,closeness and the kind gestures become too frequent, there is a certainty that your male colleague is trying to observe and know your personality and temperament in other to conclude if you are the type that would give in to office romance. Then he begins to hit on you or bluntly put, he begins to sexually harass you.

But get me right. It's not all kinds of gestures or closeness that signify that your coworker is hitting on you. Some of them can just be in dire need of pure friendship. 

Does it mean that all office romance don't end in something bright, cheerful and Godly? You may ask. Yes!  A few of them lead to marital unions(you will know the bad eggs when you see them) it's  those ones who don't have a prospect, the type of romance with your MD. or your colleagues whom you clearly know is married or are single but only out to eat every woman (including you) like meat. 

It's not that type of office romance that you get involve trading yourself for an employment, promotion, a raise or other benefits. 

I'm I against office romance? You may ask. No I'm not. I'm against it when the woman refuses to give in to it and she is being sexually harassed for saying NO, I'm against it when a lady is being frustrated in the office for refusing to have an affair with her coworker hitting on her. I'm against it when the society feels it's OK for other ladies to be favored just because they are letting their skirts down for their bosses or  colleagues in the office. They will say "after all you use what you have to get what you want". Sisters please for how long will you use what you have to get what you want? And what happens to honest work?

But what if you are not the type that's quick in observing and identifying the signals when your male colleague hits on you? You may ask. 

Well I'm not a psychologist but please sisters watch out for these signs. When a coworker hits on a lady:

He crushes on her. At every slight opportunity he sees, he will always want to be around you. He puts you on his team in the office any time a task is being given in the office. He goes out of his convenience to assist you with work in the office. (not like it's not his obligation but he cares too much because he wants something) He covers up for you in your absence or when you make mistakes at work. Chances are that  he may be trying to nail his chances with you. Shine your eyes.

Unofficial phone calls. Because he is crushing on you, he calls you off work hours and on non office related issues. In case you are wondering why your male coworker calls you frequently unofficially, I hope you are connecting the dots now. Lol. 

Frequent lunch dates. Well I call it lunch dates because I don't know which caption suits it best. You know that scenario where your male coworker asks you to go to lunch with him up to or more than three consecutive times and always ends up paying for the lunch. Girl, read the handwriting on the wall because there is more to it that meets the eye. He is not a father Christmas. Got it? Yes? Good!

He gives you body language signals. There are those male coworkers who are so full of vulgar words and actions. When he has tried other options and you still don't bulge. He sends you clear and provocative body language signals. He shakes hands with you and flirtatiously scratches your palms (it's an invitation) beware because that's sexual harassment. He observes when you're alone at your desk and comes over to  hoarsely whisper dirty compliments into your ears. He can even go as far as touching you on the shoulder (depending on your strictness and on how mean you keep your face at that instant). He licks his lips, winks his eyes at you, scratches his head at every moment he gets your attention.

He sends frustration your way. He will frustrate you because you are not giving in to his demands. He frustrates you with bulky tasks and limited date lines which he knows it's difficult to meet up. When you proof to be a super woman he frustrates you more by sending you to the fields or by even demoting you or changing your departments within the organization(in the case a Superior colleague).

What if it is your Superior, Manager, Director that is hitting on you or sexually harassing you in the office? What if it's a colleague on the same level with you in the office that is hitting on you? 

My opinion -  in the case of the former and the later. At the instant you notice the signs, handle the matter with maturity, calmness and with the fear of God. Call him to order. Stop all unofficial outing with him, dress modestly (in case it was your fashion style that made him confused) in order not to arouse his attention. Speak to him respectfully and let him know that you are not interested, be firm. When he still persist, don't gather crowd, simply take your complaints to the H.R with evidences.(do not go without evidence because you will be raising false accusations without proof which can get you fired). I assume that you need that job so you wouldn't let anger get in the way. When it grows into  sexual harassment do not be afraid to speak to someone and seek the services of a lawyer. Last resort. Resign if you do not have other options. If that job requires you giving in to the cajoles of sexual advances and office romance against your wish with your male coworkers. If it requires you compromising your dignity which can not be revoked, tender your resignation letter with reasons as to why you are resigning and if they know your value to the organization, effort shall be made to keep you and protect you against future occurrences of such. But if they don't, I suggest you resign any way after all a good name is better than precious ointment. 

Pictures reference@google

I hope this post helps in some ways. As always I pray and hope that this post gets to you in good health. 

May you be at peace. With love - Dee

Do you frown at office romance? 

Have you been sexually harassed before,how did you handle it?

What are the signs you use in knowing that the opposite sex is hitting on you? 

Please share your opinions. I'd love to read from you. 

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